you have to live with the consequences of your decisions

I watched from afar, as my absence flooded their thoughts. A shadow of guilt started to grow behind me.

You see it all started on a sunny morning high in the mountain tops, I watched as the helicopter blades forced themselves round at the control of the pilot. the sun beat through the windscreen as it woke for the morning. The helicopter groaned and rattled as it was forced down towards a small Plato of snow near the mountain top. I as the helicopter flew out sight until it was just me left staring out across the untouched valleys of snow. A dream the i’d had for a long time, had finally come true.

The months leading up to this point, the anticipation as my mind drifted from reality into this daydream of fresh lines and an jaw dropping landscape, trees that reached out to the mountain tops but just fell short, the dark underside of rocks that seem as tho they’re trying to pull themselves from the tight grasp of the snow.

All the hard labour and time that seemed like it would never end finally had some satisfaction as I stared out across the mountain tops, tho a sense of guilt and disappointment began to grow the longer I watched the sun glisten against the powdery bowls of snow that surrounded me.

This would bring me back to the first mistake I made that day. The day before my mate Jerry who I was supposed to be flying into the alps with the next day had a sudden family emergency as his mother had been diagnosed with cancer an couple months before and had just been emitted into hospital. This left jerry no choice but to abandon our trip and to travel upstate and visit his mother, leaving only me flying into the mountains. I wasn’t sure whether I should cancel the trip as the lectures “never enter extreme environments alone” started to repeat in my head. My final decision was one that would later cost me my life.

I stared down at the valley floor as I picked my line. I dropped my skis onto the powdery surface that blanketed every thing as far as I could see. My mind started to drift away form the snow in-front of me and back to jerry as I wished he were there with me. my thoughts had been filled with the fact that he also had all the safety gear, that had bee left behind. leaving me completely alone with no source of communication if something went wrong. I shook my head and forced myself to think of the all the time and anticipation leading up to this trip. I mutter the words shell be right under my breath “The second mistake I made that day”. I look down towards my bindings as they snap shut round my boots. I take one final glance towards what would be the best, worst and last place I would visit.

I felt the snow compress beneath my feet as slide my way towards the bottom of the small plato that had been my safety will I put my gear on. the sensation as I Popped off the end of the plato and felt the snow glide beneath me as I made my way towards an imaginary line that I had pictured in my head. My heart was racing as i was having the best time of my life, the snow sprayed up at each turn. inside to a stop as I caught my breath ready to go again. But suddenly I felt the snow beneath me move. but this time not at my control but the of its own. I kew the feeling all too well as id narrowly escaped the path f an avalanche a couple of seasons prior. At that moment everything around me faded as I knew that there was only one thing I could do. Ski. I pointed the tips of my sis down hill as I began to pick up speed. I focussed on keeping n control f my skis as I reached speeds Id never before. feeling confident that I was gonna out ski what seemed like a definite end. I gave a glance over my shoulder, “The third mistake I made that day” I could see the mounding snow tumbling down the mountain in quick pursuit but by the time I realised my mistake it was too late. I caught an edge that almost immediately ripped my boots from their bindings and sent me in a slowing summersault down the side of the mountain. I caught glimpses of the speeding avalanche as I was tossed down the side of the mountain like a rag doll.

I watched as the snow that was supposed to be the best experience of my life drifted over me like a wave burying me in a sea of darkness as the sun faded away.

And that brings me to now as I watch my absence is the only thing that my family ca think of as they now I was supposed to be home hours before. little did they know that I would never come home that night or any night.